Point and Shoot

My son is potty trained. I don’t mean to brag nor jinx anything, but it was easier than any of us were prepared for. Sure we've had one random accident while at the library, but even that was small and he stopped himself from making any kind of mess on the floor. Hey, that’s what the emergency pants are for.

So, when I picked The Kraken up from the toddler room at church on Sunday it took me a moment to find him. His handsome little-self went in wearing khaki cargo pants and a red plaid button-down. He came out wearing a yellow tee shirt and olive green sweat pants complete with tapered leg and elastic hem. Interesting. The volunteer at the gate handed me a couple Ziploc baggies and tried to explain what had taken place, which must have included how my son landed a starring role in an 80s exercise video. I heard what she was saying, but it didn’t quite sink in as I was a little preoccupied with Shovey McShoverson, another parent who apparently needs to hear a sermon on patience.

Fast forward a couple hours and imagine me standing in front of the washing machine holding not one, but two pair of borrowed undies and slightly worn sweat pants. My first thought was the volunteer had given me some other kids pee and dirty clothes. Gag me with a spoon! But then my mind wandered back to our conversation . . .

“He did really well. He told us each time he had to pee.” Okay. So why am I holding two sets of backup bottoms?

“The first time he peed on the wall and sorta just splashed everything.” Oh. So, they attempted to have him aim at the urinal. That makes sense. There is no way in heck a two year old boy would pass up an opportunity to pee standing up at a urinal simply to explain to a stranger that he pees sitting down at home. (Don’t judge me people. I know a real man stands up when he pees. We will get there.) Synopsis: Poor aim during attempt number one led to splashed clothing and church backup outfit number one.

“The second time he told us he had to go,” (And yes, my son would milk every opportunity to pee standing up even if he had to drink 18 Dixie cups of watered down apple juice.) “he peed on the volunteer.” WHAT! How did I miss that? He peed on the volunteer. I wish I would have caught this at the time because it leaves me with only one question . . .

If he peed on the volunteer why did he need the olive green pants?