Sunday School Teacher

Long story short, I am a people pleaser. I have a hard time saying no and a hard time drawing boundaries. I am working on it. However, when the director of Sunday school called, she caught me at a weak moment. Apparently one doesn’t need to possess the ability to control their own three year old in order to be qualified to teach an entire class of three year olds. She didn’t ask if my son was a hellion, and I didn’t tell. I am now the newest member of the teaching staff at my church. My heart is already racing.

(As a side note, it was my husband who answered the call on my cell phone and then passed the phone to me. When asked if he could also help, I naturally said yes. I couldn’t help myself; It’s a sickness. I don’t think he will be answering my phone ever again.)

On our first teaching day we had a lively group of 21 three year olds. 21. Three adults versus a mob of adorable little shavers, the adults didn’t stand a chance. And if you listed the children from best behaved to worst, guess where my son would land. If you guessed at the very bottom, you win the gold star! To add insult to injury, I learned timid, shy, kind and polite three year olds do in fact exist. I was slightly shocked and amazed to witness this miracle. It isn’t an anomaly either. There are a bunch of them. I left my first foray as a Sunday school teacher exhausted and a bit defeated.

Week two brought with it my mother-in-law and therefore my best helper was sidelined to entertain his mother and her boyfriend. On the plus side, I left The Kraken with them thus allowing someone else to step up as trouble maker for the class. Hooray. We had another full week with 18 kids but the night was relatively calm and easy. We even traveled to the indoor play park and no one fell while trying to fly off the climbing wall. Something, no doubt, The Kraken would have attempted. The biggest issue of the evening was trying to locate the source of a horrible stink in a class full of ‘potty trained’ children. I stepped up and found the culprit then coaxed her away from the toys so her mother could be called. Again I left exhausted and defeated. No one wanted to steal the title of worst behaved from my and frankly that sucks.

The other teacher, a very responsible 9th grader, was a no-show for week number three. 22 cherubs showed up before we were allowed start sending kids to the overflow room, which by the way had seven children for the evening. There has to be a better system, but I am still a bit new to be rocking the boat with new ideas. I thought it would be so cool to let the kids paint for craft time. I wish I could accurately describe the mayhem. A lidless blender comes to mind. . . We survived. We even travelled to the puppet show room without misplacing a single child. I think that says something right? My darling daughter decided that she just could not handle Sunday school any longer and was brought to my room partially through one of the most chaotic nights of my life. Thankfully my mother and brother were poised and ready to take The Siren if she were to begin her wailing. They were not disappointed. After running running running for over an hour I realized I literally had sweat dripping down my back. Isn’t that special?

I don’t know quite how long I am on the hook for teaching this class. I’m not sure how many parents think their kids’ new teacher is a sweaty creep. I’m fairly certain The Siren will never make it through a church service without crying until her teachers give up. I know for a fact however, that my fellow teacher, (you know that really responsible 9th grader?), will not be getting a Christmas present from me.