I am a momma and . . .
a bargain shopper - I buy all my kids clothing a year in advance at the end of each season. This means the grand total for all those cute new winter clothes that I'm going to bust out soon comes to a whopping sum of $30.00. Pants, shirts, sweaters, coats, socks, dresses, leggings = $30.00. The grand total of all my winter clothing this year probably also adds up to about $30.00. The only difference, and it's such a small difference, is that my kids will look adorable, and I will look like a ragamuffin. What can I say? I love a bargain.
an efficient showerer - The Kraken finally passed out on the floor mid dance marathon for a quick snooze and Rosie has been napping for 87 minutes, which means I have exactly 3 minutes to shower. Shampoo? Check. Conditioner? Check. Full body scrub? Check. Relaxing steam vapors and back massage? Not on your life.
an all you can eat buffet - My body has been responsible for growing or nursing a baby for the last 37 months straight. That's 2 pregnancies, my son breastfeeding for a year and my daughter nursing for 7 months and counting. Um, no wonder I am always tired. They have literally sucked their life out of me.
a maid - Whine, whine, whine. I know this one goes without saying. Moms clean a lot of stuff. Kitchens, bathrooms, living rooms, laundry, vacuum carpets, dust, dirty faces, stinky feet, sheets, towels, mud off the carpet, urine off the couch, ring around the tub, bug guts off the wall, dirty mouths with soap, fingerprints off windows, spit up, babies, refrigerators, craft time explosions, cheerios from car seats, vomit, the occasional bloody lip, little behinds, little bit larger behinds . . .
a voice of reason - "Yes my love, I know that you are mad, mad, mad. It isn't fair that mommy ran out of eggs, but throwing yourself on the floor will neither summon the egg fairy nor magically materialize a breakfast omelet." Or the ever popular, "Yes, my love, I understand that you really enjoy 'naked time', but it's about 7 degrees outside and I'm pretty sure I will be arrested for taking you outside without any clothes on. And I am positive that your new mommy doesn't want to read Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? 300 times every night, so believe it or not, you would miss me."
a judge, jury, executioner, and parole officer - You are charged with hitting your sister and have been found guilty by a jury of, well, me, for which you will serve a two minute sentence staring into the corner. Once released, you will be closely monitored for repeat offenses. If witnessed you will surrender your playtime and spend the rest of the afternoon in your room. This will continue until the court decides you are rehabilitated or until Rosie graduates high school, whichever comes first.
a safe place - Perhaps the best perk of motherhood. Be it thunder, a skinned knee or the buzzer at a basketball game, my babies are looking for momma. Not daddy (sorry babe). Not grandma or grandpa (nice try with the cookie bribes). Me. If they need a reassuring nod or an all out cuddle and lullaby, I'm the one. It doesn't get any better than that. Granted I don't especially love the traumatic thing/event that drives them to my arms, but I'm certainly going to love them up and make it better. That's my job. And it's the best in the world.
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