'A' for Effort

Every mother at some point wishes she had the ability to hover daintily over a public toilet, quickly finish her business, and gracefully rezip her mom jeans all without peeing on herself or the beautiful infant/toddler she is holding. If this activity necessitated a bit less acrobatic skill, life would be a bit more carefree.

I admit I never really gave much thought about a father’s feelings on the matter. Point and shoot, how hard can that be? When traveling as a family, my husband is usually in charge of taking The Kraken to the potty. Recently, on a very long car ride, my son announced that he had to go poopy really badly. “Emergency Stop!” he wailed. I pulled off the highway at a fast food joint; my husband whisked my son out of his car seat and ran him inside. He didn’t feel there was time to put his shoes on.

While The Kraken did the deed, my husband’s coffee suddenly kicked in. And now he was faced with a dilemma . . . hold his son, hold his bowel movement or set my boy down on the ground barefoot. If I’m honest, I would bet most men would set their kid on the ground and quickly hose his feet down in the sink on the way out the door. Am I right? What my man decided to do, possibly knowing the magnitude of the freak-out coming his way if he chose a previously mentioned method, was to delicately balance my son on his shoulders while he popped a squat. I give an ‘A’ for effort and cleanliness. Way to go honey.

He said The Kraken only very nearly fell off and into the toilet once. Perhaps a statistic I could have lived without.