A momma and a . . . Volume 1

I am a momma and . . .

an activities coordinator - I plan fun, safe activities usually with a splash of learning and a coke machine nearby.

a chef - Mac and Cheese? Please. That was so yesterday. Tonight we are having something delicious, nutritious that doubles as beautiful wall decor when splashed with a plastic spoon just so.

a calf wrangler - Have you ever tried to change a two-year old's diaper mid dance marathon?

a limo driver - Here my darling, let me help you into the car. No, please let me buckle that strap. Don't you lift a pretty little finger. We are here, but please don't move. I will be around shortly to lift you gently into your ride while out of the car.

a filing cabinet of useful and not so useful knowledge- Rosie needs to go to the doctor on the 5th. The Kraken has a play date on the 6th at noon. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes, size 9. Bananas are on sale this week. There is a coupon for half off children's socks at Kohl's in my bag. Rent is due in two days. The cars are about due for oil changes. If I take a left on Main I will get to the park two minutes faster than if I go straight. Sleep deprivation is caused by a lack of sleep. That rash looks more like eczema and less like poison ivy. My mother-in-law's birthday is the first of the month, and her card will be late no matter when I send it. The trash man comes on Wednesday. The mail comes at 2pm unless it is a Thursday because the mail lady hates Thursdays so it's a little later than 2pm. My bra strap is going to snap at any point, but that isn't a priority today. If you add an acid to a base you will get a salt and water. Antifreeze is green. Violets are blue.

an exterminator - I hate bugs. Hate. Loathe entirely. But my son was stung by a hornet on the finger and freaks at the sight of bugs, especially big buzzing ones and runs to momma to fix it. Which I do.

a stuff locator - Your shoes are under the table. The matching sock is in the garage. Your wallet is on the stove. Rosie's blanket is in the microwave. Your blue shirt with the funky orange stain is the third shirt from the top in the left hand stack of the top right hand drawer of your dresser. His sippy cup is in the dishwasher. I'm sure I left my brain in here somewhere. The mail is in the basket.

a hazardous waste handler - refer back to 2 year-old diaper change

a puke bucket - Turns out when my son is sick all he wants is for momma to hold him. This usually occurs just as the puke comes and so lands all over me not in the bucket. Yum. Lunch anyone?

a fool - Dance momma! But we are in the middle of the grocery store. Dance momma! Ok. Fine. Bee Bop Mo Shoo Bop A Whop Bam Boom.