Cinderella is Stupid

It’s been a rough couple days. My insomnia has been back in full force for about a week now after a 6 month hiatus. A well-known friend I did not miss. I had forgotten what it’s like to function on literally no sleep and am not quite in my sleep-deprived groove. Rosie has been screaming basically all day every day, which is so not like my little beauty. Turns out she has a new and very pointy eye tooth attempting to pop out. They aren’t friends either. The Kraken, well, he’s three. One minute he is delightful and a snuggle bug. The next he is screaming and beating me with a drumstick because I didn’t get chocolate milk with lunch, his puppy has gone missing or maybe his underwear is too tight. Whatever. This is one tired momma.

Needless to report, like all great mothers, I have been using the TV to babysit a little more often than usual. Sometimes you just need 20 minutes of quiet to concoct a dinner with ingredients that taste good together. I let my son choose the babysitter. His most recent choice was . . . Cinderella. Not a movie we watch often.
After answering no less than 80 questions, (we are in the ‘why?’ phase), I have realized why we don’t watch Cinderella very often. What a stupid movie.

I hate cats. Hate. I, however, deal with my hatred by not owning one. I didn’t purchase a cat and then punish him by naming him Lucifer. How am I supposed to answer, “Who is Lucifer?” Well, son, he is the evil one, the devil, the fallen angel, the prince of darkness (or is that Ozzy). I guess along with a serpent, the devil is also a really fat and lazy cat. I guess that makes sense.

I genuinely wish all mean girls in the world were really ugly, terrible singers, had annoying voices and wore dresses that made their bums look gigantic. It would be so much easier for me to warn my children who not to associate with. As it stands, the ugly step sisters plant a whole lot of dysfunctional crap into my son’s mind and maybe my daughter’s, who knows. Just another topic we will cover in therapy, no doubt.

Glass slippers? Really? Enough said.

If a man has the stamina to dance the waltz for hours on end, shouldn’t it also stand to reason that he could chase down a woman running in glass slippers? To add insult to an already bruised pride, chick loses one of her shoes. So now, off she runs, hobbling along in one fragile glass pump and one bare foot and yet you still can’t catch her. Come on man.

There are, I am sure, a million other reasons why Cinderella is stupid, but my chocolate trifle is ready complete with a layer of beef sautéed with peas and carrots. Yummy. Let’s eat. (Okay so don’t hate me. I lied. I love Cinderella. For crying in the sink, it’s a classic.) But still, let’s be honest, the movie is lame.